Living without Expectations

I generally make this statement – “I have no expectations from people around me”. and I guess I make this statement with lot of conviction – something I think I really have cultivated in me. Just today we friends were discussing this topic and Harpal commented – “Expect? It is being human. Expectation from any relationship is natural and is one of the basic instincts”

Can we be anytime truly free from expectations from everything around us? A deeper look around things and that is true, I have expectations from everything and everyone around me – my parents, siblings, husband, colleagues, teammates, myself and scary as it is even from inanimate things around me. Doesn’t I expect my stapler to work every time I use it, my phone to ring when somebody calls me, my car to start when I turn in the key and my refrigerator to cool the things I put inside it. I do expect my body to tell me when I am thirsty, hungry or cold. I expect my parents to love me to miss me and my mom to make yummy aloo parantas every time I visit them. I expect my employer to pay me regularly, my colleagues to show up on the weekly team meetings and to reply to the emails I send them. I do expect ………………

So are we ever free from expectations from people, things….. I guess never, but what I can do is to control my reaction when things or people do not react as per my expectations. Do I feel hurt or can I rationalise and accept it? Do I appreciate when people give me their time and help when I need it or I just take it for granted as if it was my right? I think things tend to get ugly when I fail to acknowledge and appreciate the good deeds of people (b’coz I simply expected them to behave in that manner) or when I react badly when they respond in different way (the one I had not expected). I have option to scream at stapler and throw it out in frustration or simply get a new one.

I can also control the extent of my expectations. I can control my expectations from people to be always there when I need them (let me face it – people do have life of their own) and to be genuinely grateful and appreciative when they do take time out to do something for me. Recently on my trip back to India on a family tragedy, my cousins and their wives were waiting for me at the airport – middle of night and all of them had to go to work tomorrow. I was genuinely grateful and appreciative of their gesture. Would I have reacted same had I expected them to be there? I think when I start expecting from people I start taking them for granted. I fail to appreciate them and then when they are sometime busy to react in manner I want them to I – become angry and hurt.

Well that is what I am trying to learn – to control my reactions and my expectations. But all said and done I still expect my stapler to work, my phone to ring…………………… 🙂