"I have found both freedom and safety in my madness; the freedom of loneliness and the safety from being understood, for those who understand us enslave something in us"
Hard fact … but true! Life evolves, changes…… every moment. If change is such inevitable then why does mind still craves for the past? Why isn’t theory of evolution and adjusting to change applicable to heart, mind & emotions????
I can count the events that have stirred me, not sure whether to call these as blessings or curses but I definitely have come out a better person! They have compelled me to evolve , actually learn & imbibe the meanings of unconditional love and forgiving others. Well I guess forgiving is a wrong word – I actually learnt to lose this superiority complex that people are here to live their lives as per my expectations. They made me aware that everyone have their own journey and what they decide to do in their own lives is strictly THEIR OWN CHOICE … absolutely doesn’t matter any iota how closely entwined their lives are with me or if their choices would hurt me! That is purely MY OWN ISSUE! That is my choice on how much I want to control others lives and how much secure I am in my own being that someone else’s actions/choices can never be any reflection on – WHO & WHAT I AM!
But I think as true for any stirring process – it is difficult period… you have to resolve a lot of internal turmoil, a struggle between your mind & emotions and a roller-coaster of emotional turmoil. A lot of impurities surface out, it is complete murkiness till the things settle down. I have to deal with all the murky and dark emotions and believe me that is painful! Wish it could have been a easier process, but then I would have already reached that higher plane of spirituality and evolution. I am still struggling but has been quite an interesting struggle. It is really scary as well as interesting to face your inner demons and conquer them. Has its ups downs – at times I feel truly free & liberated and other time I am deep in dumps ready to cry my eyes out …..
I always felt that I am destiny’s favorite child . So truly believe that every experience in life is for a reason – to make me a better person, to help me evolve – nudge me towards a higher goal… So no regrets …. BRING ON…..SHAKE & STIR me …………. I love the internal churn
Amazing quote by my dear hubby :
Life is a continuous struggle……between ME and me. The bigger one full of human values, worldly affairs and the conditioning we are born with always tries to beat down the logical small one which is also trying to evolve and challenge. In this transition, people who convert small “me” to bigger ME one day are the ones who fill themselves with love and happiness. Others die and the struggle is never over.
Harpal – Love you and your thoughts 
Being brought up in a family of “staunch” allopathic doctors , I have grown up with strong prejudice against homeopathy and am always skeptical about the effects (and side effects). My dad’s strong influence on my beliefs in this particular subject had spoiled me to a extent that I would never think of using homeopathic treatment and would in fact discourage others too!
That is going to be past history ………. had my first dose of homeopathic medicine today and was pleasantly surprised ………. the medicine was so sweet .. ha ha!
So I have signed up 3 year membership with Dr Batra Homeopathic Clinic (I for sure don’t do any half measures… would go the full extent
).
Paid them money upfront and would be now waiting patiently for results for my Hair Loss treatment. And who knows may become a convertee to Homeopathic line of treatment. At least would be sure of no invasive procedures and scary injections!
In continuation of yesterday's post and what an timely and apt quote to help me in my course correction….
“Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy – in fact, they are almost incompatible; one emotion hardly leaves room for the other”
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Does Love and marriage give you right to control other person's freedom of thought and freedom of expression? Does marrying someone require you to forfeit for life your free will? Does the power someone gives us because they love us so much make us so conceited that we feel that we can (or rather need) to control other person's thoughts too?
Wasn't this very quality that attracted me in the first place – the way he can connect to other people so easily & effortlessly, his strong instincts that can within minutes of meeting someone can form a lasting bond, his free approach to everything around, his good instincts to help and cheer everyone he touches? So when did this conceited thought crept into me that now he is “married” to me – so for life he can only care like that only for “Me” (amongst females)?????? Can my thoughts become uglier than this? Who I am to control his thoughts and his instinctive behaviors and most important Why should I? It is something good he is doing – helping others. When has the gender of who is being helped become such an issue???????? I
I for me who strongly believe that gender/race/religion don't change the person and humanity is much above everything. Can I get more hypocrite than this????????
Yesterday was a big wake up call for me. For me to take stock of kind of person I am becoming. I can't control such thoughts but I very well control my reaction. Why I am feeling bad? Since when I have become so shallow a person that I have started thinking I “should” OWN a person – his thoughts, his kindness, and his expressions. For God's sake he is not doing anything bad or illegal that I feel this is my moral responsibility for his own good. He is just being HIMSELF – the person I fell in love with!!!!!!!!!!
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I know for sure my husband would readily agree………………. 😉
Reflections 